Word count:3601
hey this is Leo for actualised org and in this video I'm going to talk about how to control anger all right so let's break into this how to control anger in this video we're going to talk about in about 15 minutes we're going to quickly cover a lot of stuff so it's going to be a jam-packed session we're going to talk about what anger is the root causes of anger ways to manage anger that are just covering up the root cause and then how to actually get at the root cause to fix your anger problems more permanently we're also going to talk about different techniques practical techniques that you can use to control your anger and also techniques for going deeper and introspecting and getting at that root cause that we're talking about I'm going to give you some really powerful techniques here if you just use them think that can help you quite a bit so let's crack into it first thing that I will tell you is you know this issue of anger it's a little hard for me to relate to throughout my life I don't know why it's been this way but it's always been hard for me to get angry at stuff of course I do get angry I get frustrated which is frustration is a lower form of anger I get irritated sometimes but like really full-out rage anger I don't really get that and it's a little bit hard for me to relate to people that do even though I do study a lot of this stuff so I do understand it on a logical level I don't really you know I don't experience it myself emotionally so ultimately I want to ask you because when I see people being angry I see people in rage like full-on rage having these episodes where they're just blowing up at other people getting frustrated yelling at them getting into heated discussions or flaming somebody on a message board you know whatever that is when I see that to me it's like whoa what is going on there that person is at such a low level of consciousness and self-control that to me is just disgusting it's literally disgusting and I'm disgusted when I see it and I'm discuss it when I say to myself - on those rare occasions so you know what the hell are you angry about honestly what are you angry about you need to wake up life is short life is beautiful and you're a [ __ ] loser if you're angry all the time and you're exploding at people that's not a problem with the world that's a problem with you so let's get very clear on that someone who is in a conscious state someone who is living a charged life someone who has emotional intelligence does not get angered easily like I will get angry when something extreme happens like when my life is threatened when you know when I have some severe catastrophe that might happen when my family is threatened like those are cases where ok if that happens fine get angry but throughout your day if you're driving in your car I don't care how bad the traffic is if something at work is not going quite well or something's happening in your relationship you should not be getting angry at those situations at all like you should not be your blood should not be boiling you should never be yelling you should never be so frustrated that you want to punch a wall if that's happening to you something is wrong there something is wrong with your psychology you need to start to get that psychology dialed in that's what we're going to talk about now so one quote that comes to mind from reading all this self-help material is uh there was this quote and I forget exactly which book it was from but it went something like this analogy which said that when you're angry at someone it's kind of like going to the store and buying a bag of rat poison because you've got a rat infestation at home coming home and then consuming that poison yourself well you don't realize you think that when you're angry you get to express yourself and that somehow maybe that resolves the situation somehow that that releases your emotions and all of a sudden things are lighter better but in fact what you're doing is you're not helping yourself in any way deep down psychologically you're injuring yourself even more than person that you're angry at you're not going to have an amazing successful life happy fulfilling life if you're angry it's just not going to happen it's impossible so I really want to motivate you to start to go on a journey to discover what the root causes that's what if you take away one thing from this video it's that that is the thing you don't need a quick little technique for how to just control or relieve some anger what you need is you need to go on a journey to discover what the source of it is so let's talk about what anger is as an emotion because I I bet that most people out there don't even realize what anger means as an emotional signal so every emotion is actually a signal that your mind your subconscious mind is sending to your conscious mind and these signals you can learn to to decipher the messages because the messages are pretty simple if you just think about them you can gain more awareness around them and then you can actually use and kind of use the anger to point you in the right direction you can use the anger against itself kind of like a key towing the anger into something positive so what is anger the reason that you become angry is because you perceive somebody else or some situation out there violating your standards or your model of reality so you have a certain model of reality you have a certain thought process and belief process about how reality should be you have certain ideals so maybe one of your ideals is being honest maybe the other ideal of yours is performing work well maybe other idea of the ideal of yours as being very creative or maybe another ideal of yours as being humorous and so what happens is that we all have these ideals for each person's a litte bit different what happens is we have these ideals and then when we see other people not fulfilling those ideals which are ours they might not be those person's ideals then we get angry at it for example we see somebody lying we catch someone in a lie and we say ah you're lying you shouldn't be doing that you should be honoring honesty and we get angry at that person even though if we go and we do a search we can find cases where we ourselves have done similar things in the past or it could be with let's say humor I had one client at one time who was really the humor and he loved to do he'll have to do comedy he let's do improv and one of the things that was really high on his list of values is humor and then one of the things that he really didn't like what was interesting is humorless people and why is that well because he has this value of humor of joy funniness and when he doesn't perceive it in others then he he doesn't like that it rubs him the wrong way and we're going to get into the deeper reasons of why that is in a second so really anger is about violation of standards what I want you to start to realize though to get a little bit more awareness around this is that your standards are your own they are not necessarily the standards of another person and so you have to start to understand that there is this distinction and so when somebody else is not living up to your standard if to ask yourself well could they have a different value system than I do and could I be okay with that could I be okay with somebody else having different values and not having to judge them for that because in the end that's what you're doing is you're judging you're pointing the finger at someone and you're saying ah you did that ah you did this and you get upset at that you know someone cuts you off on the road and you get upset of that person why because you think that that's wrong they should observe proper Road etiquette yet how many times in your life have you cut someone off maybe you cut someone off you didn't even realize it one of the easy quick little technique that I'm gonna give you right now to fight rote rage is to get curious whenever something happens on the road to you just starts out get inside the mind of the other person ask yourself what is actually going on there so someone just cut me off he's being an ass he's not observing proper Road etiquette okay but then ask yourself the next question like have I ever done that myself yes maybe I don't do it all the time maybe I'm better than that person but I probably have done it once or twice okay what went on with me at that time that I did it was I in a rush because I had to get someone real somewhere important really fast or did I have a sick baby in my in my car and I needed to get to the hospital or maybe there was an important report that was due at work or important business meeting or maybe I was just so upset because I just had a breakup with my relationship that I was driving and I was just being careless and I was being being Petty and being mean you know think about that and wonder that if that person is doing something that you think isn't right they probably have some sort of justification for it and just start to get curious about what that justification is even if it's wrong even if they're wrong just get curious that will naturally get you shifted out of the outrage that you have into more of this kind of just wandering mindset it'll give you more consciousness it will reduce your anger so that's a quick little technique for road rage and you can use that for all forms of anger really because anger is the root of anger is the same no matter where it happens in your life whether it's a relationship at work or on the road all right so the the next technique that I'm going to give you is I want you to just allow yourself be angry the point here is that to get yourself out of anger permanently you need to start to develop and raise your consciousness the more consciousness you have the more conscious awareness the more you're going to be able to control your angry episodes and what you got to start to do is just let yourself be angry after watching this video tomorrow for the next week try this just observe yourself the next time you're angry try to remember this video and try to remember this point that I'm making now is just just be the watcher let your anger happen and watch it happen as though you were a third-person observer like you were looking at yourself on a TV monitor or on a camera and just let it play out don't try to control yourself don't try to judge yourself be angry so go ahead and yell at that yell at that person that worked go ahead and flick that guy off who cut you off on the road you know go ahead and yeah let your spouse do it but watch yourself there's a big difference between doing that and not seeing yourself doing it and doing it and at the mote in the moment that you're doing it to be watching yourself watch yourself throughout the whole episode and just notice what happens where you're going to start to see is if you do that if your discipline is enough to do this and you actually remember you don't get triggered too much you're going to see that as you're watching yourself you're going to stop becoming angry you cannot it's almost impossible psychologically for you to be watching yourself doing something mean or hurtful or spiteful or outrageous or angry like that yelling at someone for example while at the same time watching yourself it's almost impossible because you're too high consciousness for that that is pettiness that only operates on a low consciousness level so if you can raise your consciousness to the point where you're watching it and you're just observing it not judging you're just observing it you're gonna start to see that I don't need to yell at that person right now you're gonna start to see you know what that guy cut me off but I don't need to flick him off I don't need to even honk at him you're gonna start to notice that maybe someone said something mean to you and you're gonna say you know what I don't I don't even need to respond just because you're watching yourself you might start to respond then you'll you'll notice yourself is like oh I'm just about to say something petty and nasty and you see yourself in it's like you know I don't really I don't really feel like saying that I still might be a little bit upset I might be hurt but I don't need to respond in an angry way okay the next technique I'm going to give you is and I'm not going to go into the depth of this but meditation if you're an angry person meditation might be the saving graces for you start to develop a habit of meditation I'm not going to go into all the nitty-gritty of that it's a little bit too much for one video I have other videos that talk about the benefits of meditation other videos to talk about the how to develop a meditation habit and make it stick but all I'm gonna say about meditation is that it calms your mind it puts you into present moment and it rages your conscious awareness so develop a habit of meditating I always say start with 20 minutes every sin day in the morning or in the evening be very consistent about it and you will notice that it has a profound effect on how peaceful and calm you feel throughout your day throughout your whole week and that of course will diminish angry episodes in your life it will reduce their severity it will reduce the amount of them and it will have many many other benefits for you in the long run as well so consider that all right let's after I gave you some practical techniques because I want to give you some context to control your anger right now but what I also want to talk about is the root of your anger and the root of your anger is a disintegration of different parts within you what you're doing when you're angry all the time is that you're denying something within yourself you're repressing something that's the core of it and this is probably stemming from some sort of childhood trauma or maybe even adulthood trauma some sort of events that have shaped your personality have shaped your ego in such a way where now you feel like there's something within you that you need to repress because what you've done is you've set up these high moral standards but at the same time your subconscious mind also realizes how hard you have to fight to live up to those moral standards and that you're not perfect at them yourself so when you see somebody else breaking those standards you become extra critical because you want to shift the focus away from yourself now this is a deep idea your ego in fact if you've ever heard this idea before your ego is not going to accept it you're being either gloss over this you're gonna ignore this you're going to say no that just doesn't apply to me you're wrong you need to do more introspection to understand really what's going on here and this is I'm telling you this is factually what's happening is that when you're getting angry at someone the only reason you're getting angry is because there's a disowned part of you that you are really angry at you have not integrated it so for example you you might think that being honest is super super important and therefore whenever you see dishonesty you always call it out you always get angry at that person yet what are the areas in your life that you are dishonest in think about that that is more of a subtle point than you are willing to admit right now so maybe you're going to say well Leo I'm actually a super super honest guy I'm honest all the time I try so hard to be honest I try to be more honest than everybody else I see out in the world so I'm entitled to this I'm entitled to be judgmental of people okay but just that very struggle that you're going through is already telling us that there's a disintegration within you because you would not have to struggle so hard to be honest all the time if you were truly and naturally comfortable with being honest so what's happening is that you're really forcing yourself into an unnatural inauthentic state and your body in your mind is rebelling against it and therefore that is causing you to project your anger out into the world in situations where you see that in situations that highlight your own disowned mint in your own disintegration what you do is you focus on the other party on the other person because it's more comfortable for your ego to look for the problem out there in the world that admit that you have a problem inside and anger is all about the inside it's not about the world at all it's not about the external world it's all about the internal world it's about the beliefs you have it's about the self-image that you have so that is where you have to work do that deep work to really get your anger controlled permanently and this can be done it takes work it takes introspection there are various techniques I can't go into all of them now coaching is great for that therapy is great for that various awareness techniques I would start you off with just being an observer go with that technique and do some meditation those two will have some big impact on the level of anger that you experience all right so that is it I'm going to wrap it up there that is how to control your anger in a nutshell hope you enjoyed it please like this please share it go ahead and subscribe because I'm releasing videos all the time new videos on advanced personal relevant concepts like this how to control your emotions anger and beyond how to be successful life you cannot be successful in life you cannot be happy in life when you're angry all the time not going to happen all right so go to actualize org there and you can sign up to my free newsletter you're also gonna get some amazing exclusive bonuses right now I have an exclusive video series it's over 90 minutes long on how to bust through limiting beliefs I also have a chance to win two hours of free coaching that I give away to my subscribers every month so some awesome bonuses there no strings attached and of course just follow along because if you're interested in how to control your anger you're also probably interested in other aspects of emotional intelligence the broader topic here is emotional intelligence and you're probably also interested in self mastery for me to create the kind of amazing life that I want to create the money situation that I want the relationships that I want the work situation that I want to be out there just enjoying life I need to understand the psychology of it it's the psychology that's the key that's why people are tripping up and having miserable lives and not getting the results they want they don't understand the psychology of success they don't for example understand what their anger is about and so they're always angry and so now hopefully you have a little bit of awareness around that and you can do more work towards that I'm releasing videos all the time new content in-depth stuff exclusive stuff on the website so you definitely want to sign up to be a part of that